My baby, my firstborn, is turning one in exactly a week. Everyone always goes on and on about how fast it goes. I wish they were wrong, but it truly does. And I keep re-thinking it…did I rock her enough? did I sing to her enough? Did I let her snuggle on me for naps in these days when it was just her and I, with no one else to look after and nowhere better to be? I know I did these things and no amount of snuggles and prayers would ever be enough, because I’m such a baby lover. I’ll wonder the same things with every single one. The first one is special because you get lots of one on one time- a form of grace in these motherhood growing pains. I’ve tried my best to soak it in.
I didn’t accomplish much this year in a worldly sense. I didn’t make enough lists which means I didn’t cross many things off. I didn’t clean nearly enough or stay on top of all my responsibilities. But I know I made all the difference in one little person’s life. She needed me a whole lot and I bent down to meet her. Day by day, we established some trust and bonded over each other’s smiles and silly things like puppydog tongues and swaying tree limbs. I’m so happy for her that she feels brave enough to break away and learn new things. It warms my heart to see her look back at me to see if I’m watching.. if I’m proud. I will be. Forever and always.
ellie: little shining light. Indeed!